A note for the queen who is still seeking validation
- Sharlene
- Oct 16, 2019
- 3 min read
Updated: Nov 13, 2019
Hello My Queen,
So, I have reached the point in my life where I can view my triggers as blessings. Why? Because my ultimate outcome is to understand myself on as many levels as possible. Triggers, like emotions, are doorways to understanding for me. Like girl, I even had a dream last night that I was in an interview and someone asked what is something you wished you had learned in college? And I said, I wish I had developed a better sense of self. Dream me was getting real deep. Of course, this is a reflection of my desire to reconnect with me and create a me that is entirely my own. But I digress.

I was watching IG stories, and I don't even know what it was, but something triggered me. I think it was an old high school friend attacking someone else and expressing her discontent with the world. And a message came to me. That message was a lesson I learned fairly recently. The need to be right is the root of so much misery and loathing. Now my queen, you know I can only speak to my own experience. Within me, I had to recognize that my need to be right was coming from something so much deeper that had been left unhealed.
I had a worthiness issue. And so I always wanted to be right. Being right was my form of validation. I was so disconnected from myself that some part of me subconsciously sought out more disconnect. Real vulnerability, I thought everyone was stupid but only because I wanted to keep them away. I used judgement as a way to guard my heart because that version of me believed she was alone. I feel like I should say I am ashamed of this. But that would involve judgement of myself and the coping mechanisms I used for survival. I am forgiving myself, so I will say I'm not happy about this, but it was part of my story, so it served it's purpose in who I am now.

I sought out being right because I wanted to feel good about myself. In my mind, being right meant being good enough. Being smart enough. Being aware enough. The kicker is that I wasn't aware at all because I wasn't aware of myself.
When I truly started my spiritual journey, I took a hard look at my life and what was not serving me. I looked inward and saw that all wanting to be right did for me was make me feel angry and alone.
So I went back. I did the work to correct my worthiness issue. I Identified when I most wanted to be right and how I was feeling in that moment. No surprise that I found pain, fear of vulnerability and a deep feeling of not belonging.
Then I slowly worked to change it. I walked myself through journal prompts designed to begin the process of reconnecting with myself. ALL layers of me.
Now I know within myself that we all live in our own versions of reality influenced by our pasts, our beliefs, our upbringing and our selves.
Releasing the need to be right was one of the many beautiful gifts I gave myself in my journey. Because releasing the need to be right gave me the freedom to just be my self. And to know that being myself is enough. Once I released the desire to be right, I also released the need to be validated.
I must tell you queen, that it was NOT an overnight journey. I started this process in 2017 and only TRULY learned it in the summer of 2019. Healing is cyclical and those stories can exist in so many different layers. I share this with you because I don't want you to read this and think I had this realization, worked through it and never dealt with it again. I don't want you to believe that healing is instantaneous and there is something wrong with you if you don't transform immediately. Healing is a journey. Coming home to yourself is a process.
Much Love, Always,
Shar
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